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No. 2119
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Timmy. born Oct. 1999. Recently he had started peeing a lot in the house in his old age, but we thought he was justing being more of a punk than usual. We didn't know till it was too late. He had a cancer growing in his bladder that what constricting his urethra, so his capacity was getting lower and lower. The doc said it was going to squeeze shut eventually, and that it'd be better for him to die by injection than kidney failure. When I came back during spring break I just threw every rule out the window. I'd let him walk where ever he wanted, whenever he wanted. If he found a chicken bone, hell I'd let him eat the whole chicken, even road kill, I'd just stop and wait till he was done.
Weird though, was one time we came upon a squirel just lying on the sidewalk, looking like it was freshly dead. It's eyes were even still round. And first I dreaded that he would start tearing it up right there, but I stopped myself and let him sniff it. He sniffed, but then walked away. I didn't know what he knew, or maybe he just knew me too well to know that I wouldn't want him to eat it.
God he knew me so well. He knew when I was pissed. He knew when I was happy. He knew when I wanted to play. I knew when he wanted to play. We knew when one of us was tired. He even knew the way home. I even tried asking him to come in the bathroom for his bath, and usually he'd just run away, but this time he walked in. Hell if anything was hard to make him do it was to eat.
I really didn't know how'd I go through with it. I tried humming the last track of blade runner in my head. When I practiced the night before I sobbed so loudly I woke him up. The sound I made almost sounded like the weep he would make when hurt or sad. He would always got anxious when it looked like I was going to leave, and would weep when I was out of his reach. I left him so many times, maybe this is payback.
Everyone he knew came to visit him one last time. As we rode he would nudge my hand and put his head in it. As we were waiting he still knew how to shake hands. When we placed him on the table he was shivering. And it happened so god damn fast. I mean, I don't know if what they gave him was like an overdose of heroin or something pleasent, but it looked as if his soul was ripped out of his body. He went from looking into my eyes shivering, to convulsing, to panting on his side, till his heart stopped and his tongue hung part way out. All the while I said "good dog, good boy", something he hears when he knows he's going to get a treat or get pet. A fucking kid like Jared Lee Loughner can shoot 20 people and smile, and people expect me to start acting normal right after I went through that.
2011, Mar 11, about sunset. I don't know what would be a good picture of him, but here he is doing what he loved.
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